4 Years ago today, was the day I exhaled my last puff of cigarette smoke.
I remember it pretty clearly – as we counted down from 10, I was so busy clutching the cigarette in my hand that I couldn’t actually do the count. As midnight struck I was finished. I dumped the bud in my hand in the ashtray and that was that.
Sounds pretty brave, like a person with loads of self-discipline.
If only it were. I might have given up smoking but in the years since that night, I have simply replaced a smoking addiction with an addiction of another sort. I started eating. Sure there have been diets, crash diets, healthy eating plans, copious amounts of water and diet pills. There has also been gym memberships, Pilates classes, walking the dogs and promised of loads of exercise.
Add one retrenchment, married life (I hear it is normal to gain in the first couple of years) and a not so smooth pregnancy and then you find yourself where I am now.
Overweight, unhappy in everything I wear, very little self-confidence and did I mention horribly miserable?
For the past 4 years (probably even longer) loosing weight has been on my resolutions list. For as long as I remember I have been failing horribly at this one and this year has been no different. In fact I took a couple of steps back from where I was at the beginning of 2013.
So what the hell will make 2014 any different. Probably nothing. But I have to give it a go, I have to make another determined decision for better health. Before it is too late. I am not going to give a whole longs shpill of the things I am attempting to do. I will say this, it includes a dietician, a biokineticist and a lot more determination that I think I have in me. But I am going to give a go with everything I have.
If I am really honest, I am petrified!
Here is a list why:
- I am not very good at cooking healthy meals
- I am very bored with healthy eating.
- I am not very fond of the gym
- or running
- or exercising
- I’m very bad at planning
- I am scared sh*tless over other things, Logan. Grade 1. All the millions of therapy we will attempt
- I need to put a lot of energy into my degree, before it goes extinct. (which is happening at the end of 2015)
- This leads to additional (not very needed) financial pressure – because man oh man, it is expensive to study
- Lastly as soon as I bring up exercise and loosing weight, my husband gets excited. He is very competitive and normally I am as well. But not so much with this one. Failing at this scares me too much.
- When K goes healthy, meals get even more boring. He has lost lots of weight before and his way works for him.
- Then a stressful time comes and I find myself eating away at anything. Emotional eating is ugly.
- There I fail. And the pit is so deep that I battle to get out of the slump
- So I eat chocolate instead. So much nicer. Happier
- Getting back on the horse is hard.
There I should hopefully have every possible excuse out of my system now. Probably not. I will add as I go.
This is why I have decided to call 2014, the year of planning. Reason being I will need to plan really well for every possible things that can go wrong while I try to loose weight, be healthier and become the happier me I want to be.
Wish me luck!