I have been thinking a lot. My goals for 2010 are pretty simple – just to focus on me. I have some self-worth issues, I use to think it was just little issues – but I have come to realise they are pretty hectic.
During the year I attempted many things – I have stopped smoking (two and a half months was the longest), I have gone to the gym for a couple of months and I have gone swimming in the mornings before work for a couple of weeks. And then I gave up, really badly. I have gotten to a point that I am not sure I know how to lose weight. Going on a crush diet for a couple of weeks is easy, but I don’t know how to commit myself to the right kind of lifestyle to conquer it all. I need to figure it out and learn how to commit very quickly!
I have debt, I am trying to pay it off and yet I am not trying very hard. This is something I have only recently made myself aware of, I need to tighten the budget. It is affecting the way I see myself, I feel like a loser, a failure! I manage to get myself in a place where I couldn’t control my debt and even if I wasn’t the person benefitting from it initially, it took me into a downward spiral. It is manageable at the moment – I’m getting there very slowly, but I need to make a greater effort to get there quicker.
Romance – I have a lot of things I need to come to terms with, with the coming of Little Grin’s departure. It wasn’t working, there more I tried to make it work, the less it was working. I don’t like giving up, but I shouldn’t settle either. It is time for me to get to know Alet better, I need to look after her better. I need to take a big time out and heal the person I am.
I believe in seasons, the season of “Lettice and Lu in the house of many colours” is coming to an end. Although there will be many times when I will refer to it again. (I feel like redecorating the place – honestly there is colour – not necessarily the colours I would have chosen!) essentially, the pages will always be filled with thoughts, achievements and silliness when it comes to Logan. Yet for now the motto will change – to something that will remind me daily what the new season is about – Just Lettice!