For the past 3 weekends I’ve been studying non-stop. All intentions of finding balance, managing my stress levels and juggling parenting, marriage and studies have flown out of the door. My aim has shifted from balance and serenity to hanging by a thread and holding on to my marbles.
The fact that I haven’t had a weekend / day off to just relax means my head if filled to the brim with information. Here are some of the things that have kept my mind ticking over (and hopefully I’ll be able to file, some of it – somewhere in the great storage system called – my brain)
Unemployment, ‘nough said. But still I find myself staring at the beggars next to the side of the road and I think to myself – what is my responsibility? What could I be doing / should I be doing to address the need in our country?
On the flip side – I am petrified. What will become of my white boys in our country where affirmative action drives us to redress past wrongs. Stuff my kids know nothing about. I know there is no point worrying about these things. I know the only thing I can do is to keep instilling our values in them and teaching them the value of hard work and dedication. Essentially I know, all I can do is to lead by example.
These kinds of thoughts have lead me to think of immigrating to another country. Could we immigrate? My wandering spirit will thrive on living in another country. But would it be the best for our family? And how do we get from where we are right now, to a place were immigration is really a possibility.
The thought of immigrating in turn brings about questions such as, where should I be making a difference right now. The obvious answer is at my work. Then I start implementing ways of “fixing” the problems I have no authority / dominion over.
Once I’ve stopped day dreaming about fixing some of the problems at work, I return my focus to where should I go with me studies? Is an honours degree the right direction? Would a post graduate diploma be of more value for (a) my career and my sphere of influence at work (2) to open up possibilities to immigrate.
These are tough questions. I really shouldn’t be asking these while trying to cram as many facts and concepts [in a limited time space] as possible. It is a vicious cycle. Extremely stressful. And exhausting.